Did you miss me already? No worries, still alive and here you are with another post of mine 😉
A few days after my last post I crossed into Italy. Not before coming along another beautiful bike ride in the French part of the Alpes. Afterwards, I went to San Remo, which was OK but not as exciting as it sounds.
I had an amazing time and it helped me getting out of the negative thought patterns for several days. I would say it broke them for good. It wasn’t since June that I had such a good feeling several days in a row.
Now I am looking ahead and not so much back anymore. It’s not like we did many “special” things but just the company, talking and laughs shared was exactly what I needed. And it showed me that there is another life possible (as stupid as it may sound) and happiness is possible. It also showed me what I want at this point in my life…somebody to walk besides me. But I’m not stressing myself out about it and rather enjoy the Now as much as I can. Otherwise, I don’t think it wouldn’t work out anyway. We need to raise our energy before in order to attract what we want.
These last days I let also thoughts enter my mind that I have a lot to give to somebody. Maybe not something that fits into a “standard” life with kids but things like time, adventure, spontaneity…
Right now, I am sitting outside a hut in South Tyrol and looking over some mountains (well, with a beer and cake nearby 😀 ). South Tyrol is one of my favorite places in this world. I just love that the climate is already more Mediterranean, the food is great, mountains all around me and the people are warm-hearted. A part of me still wishes I would have decided otherwise 8 years ago and guide MTB tours here. But on the other side, I am OK where I am and I wouldn’t be where I am if I would have made just one decision differently in the past.
Seeing the mountains and the joy they give me makes me wonder why I thought me living in Portugal would have worked out. I guess for love…
While we all wish for an easy flowing life the truth is: Stagnation is death.
As long as we live, life will present us challenges to grow. They don’t always have to be life threatening. In fact, I asked my soul to have learnings that consider the well-being of my other parts (body and mind) in the future. I want to grow but in chewable doses.
Maybe I have taken it too easy prior to the last 3 years (and in between) that my inner being was saying “fuck that easy going life. That’s boring. I will push you so hard that you will have to grow. And it will be the best for us”.
An important lesson for me is, there is no virtue in crawling out of a hole. The virtue is being conscious about your life and needs in order to catch those challenges before they become so severe. However, if you find yourself in a hole, don’t fight it by saying you shouldn’t be there or shouldn’t feel that way. Accept it and make your way out…in whatever speed is OK with you.
After all, what is physical death but the stopping (stagnation) of bodily functions (organs, cell reproduction etc.)? And the same applies to life without challenges.
Maybe a short story to illustrate it 😉
Perhaps you are like the old farmer who, in an effort to find relief from his problems, sought out the Buddha’s advice.
The story goes that the farmer had many complaints. He told the Buddha all about how difficult his life was. It seemed that the weather never cooperated the way that he wanted. It was either too wet or too dry, so his crops often failed. Also, while his wife was a good woman, she was much too critical of him, and lately his children were showing no gratitude for anything that he did for them. Furthermore, his neighbors were much too nosey and seemed to always be interfering in his affairs by spreading gossip about him.
The farmer, finishing his list of complaints, looked expectantly to the Buddha for a solution and was surprised when the Buddha said the he could not help him. According to the Buddha all human beings have 83 problems and that is just the way life is. While you can work hard and solve a few problems, once you do others will soon take their place. Upon hearing this, the farmer, in exasperation, asked, “Then what is the good of all your teaching?” The Buddha replied, “My teaching can’t help you with the 83 problems, but perhaps it can help with the 84th.” “What’s that?” the farmer asked astonished. “The 84th problem,” the Buddha said, “is that you don’t want to have any problems.”
In certain aspects separation is like death. We move from one certainty to an uncertainty. Before we were able to see that person and now we are not anymore. The person is still there but in another form (for us). We still feel the connection, although it did change and is replaced by something we cannot grasp really well yet.
I cannot say that I fully believe in life after death yet. But I keep my doors open and the books I have been reading and some experiences I was able to have leave room for a possibility that there is something beyond our sensory perception. If there is reincarnation then I believe I still have a very long way to go…even that I’m tired of it.
I don’t know what lies ahead of me. Not in the big picture nor beyond tomorrow. But I know that it will be great. I trust that something good (even better than the current Now) lies ahead of me. And that is partly the basis for happiness. To enjoy the Now and to trust/hope that what we wish for will come.
Love,
Matthias
We understand the world by studying change, not by studying things.
– Carlo Rovelli –
(The Order of Time)