Since it is raining cats and dogs I think it is a good chance to wrap-up the first days of this trip.
My flight left on Saturday from Frankfurt via Washington. And even on a transit flight the US requires you to make the whole immigration bullshit. What a waste! Anyhow, I am glad I have the visa and the guy smirked a bit as I told him I have it because of Sudan 😉
Panama City itself is alright. It’s like any city in the US, just the more shabby version. Like the crazy sister of your girlfriend who just happens to be on your mind all the time.
Right out of the plane I visited Casco Viejo (San Filipe), one of the old parts of the town. The last 20 years they invested in restoration and it just looks stunning. Of course, it is a tourist quarter as the normal population cannot afford to live there anymore.
There is even an older part called Panama Viejo, which was raided in the 16th and 17 century and never rebuild. Unluckily, it was closed when I wanted to go. But I’ve been to the Parque natural de metropolitana. A green lung within the city. In general, the city is very green as it is surrounded by protected areas and thus can only grow in height. This I could experience on a tour along the canal, where I saw a sloth, monkeys and myself drenched in rain.
One curious fact about Panama is their currency, which in fact is the USD. Well, officially the currency is called Balboa but is linked 1:1 to the USD. They use the USD notes and just the coins are made locally. Of course, this is due to the long history linked with the US (the canal was US property until 1999).
I am now in Boquete, where the objective is to do some hiking. Not sure if the rainy season is going to let me do much. So far, I am relaxed about it as I hope the weather is improving. We shall see.
Prior to my departure I had some “gutter days”, of course self-inflicted 🤷 My head was spinning around the idea that I am alone and without community, resulting in the feeling of loneliness. Combined with a sense of not doing anything worthwhile resulted in a depression-kind state.
While a big chunk of my week is indeed spent alone it is not that I am not connected to friends and family. However, I have to find a solution to counterfeit this being in my apartment so much. In my desperation I was even looking into work again. I know! Actually, my plan for the pre-Christmas time was to work. But the only thing I found was shift work and that is just not me (I know, what a brat!). I think this will be one of the last seasons I will do life like I am doing right now. It is time for a change. I am considering finding a job for a limited time. Hopefully nothing more than 6 months at a time but if that doesn’t work out then more. If you have some ideas I am happy to hear them! And if this search results in nothing…I have no clue right now. I crave for social interaction. Doesn’t have to be my soul mate but I already feel better with those chance encounters you have with neighbors and cashiers. Just being recognized as a human being.
On the bright sight, having this feeling makes me feel easier about the subject death. I watched probably hundreds of NDE stories and their report of the life beyond makes me hopeful. I thought many days that if this would be the last day I would be fine with it. I have achieved what I wanted to do here. And this is quite a liberating thought. Nothing to hold on to!
I am very grateful for all that I was able to experience already in this life and the gifts I still have. Sometimes I forget and take it for granted but it isn’t. Just take a look around.
Also, I don’t know where this fear and reservation before leaving for a trip is coming from. Is it from traveling solo (even that I have done that many times in the past), wanting to stay in my comfort zone, not having prepared anything upfront, getting older, something broke in 2018 or just because I am getting completely nuts? I don’t know, but it is stupid and I don’t like that version of me. I like more the younger, excited-to-go-on-a-trip Matthias. Let’s bring him back (well, as far as the attitude, the rest is gone).
So, let me take you with me to another adventure. Panama and Costa Rica. Show me what you got to offer!
Love,
Matthias