While it has been a difficult start for me in Bali, which isn’t Bali’s fault, I didn’t really want to leave the island. Not that I would have wanted to stay longer alone here but a few more days or weeks with Susana would have been fun.
However, while writing this post, I am already on my last leg of the return flight and can see the outskirts of Toledo (Spain) when looking out the window.
After I set aside the spiritual quest and try to enjoy the country for itself more, my happiness improved. As usual, much of my world is created in my head and not what I experience on the outside.
On Thursday we left Ubud and the Ashram, heading west of Denpasar to a small village called Canggu.
Well, maybe not so small as there are many tourists and the traffic is insane. I did manage to rent a scooter on Friday and it is quite interesting to drive here. I had to concentrate much more than in Pai (Thailand) but I enjoyed the freedom that came with it. And I did manage to see some more rice fields 😉
Not sure how to describe the main event we had here. Already on Thursday 3 of our group had an aqua healing session in a hotel nearby and on Friday it was my turn as the last one in the group.
It started quite funny, which could have turned easily into a big frustration. The instructor couldn’t find the nose clip anymore, which is necessary to have a diving experience while doing this. First I laughed because it had to happen to me after being so frustrated the whole week (as the only one in the group) and could have been another test. At one point I went into self-pity (“why me?” blablabla) but I stepped out quickly. At that point I was OK whether it happened or not. I just didn’t want a session just to do one but without the real deal.
Anyway, Sandra said it’s no problem and so we dived into the session. Basically my task was to relax and don’t do anything (except to breath 😉 ). But this is easier said than done for me. I remember saying to myself “Relax, I don’t want to hold you anymore”. Nonetheless, I felt very comfortable…like a baby.
What did she do? She held me in the water just about the nose line and did several different movements. Maybe a video explains it better:
As I said, I was really relaxed and conscious the whole time. The strange thing happened at the end, when she leaned me unto the wall…literally.
During the whole session my breathing was calm and flat but in that moment it started to speed up and I felt a pressure in my chest. I had the feeling of coming back (from where?).
I kept my eyes closed and I didn’t want to open them, I didn’t want to face this world again. Reluctantly, I opened them and here I was again. Amazing!
What happened during the session? No idea! Sandra said that I was far away and what I experienced confirmed that but consciously I was always here. I had a similar experience during my first past-life regression session years ago.
If for nothing else, just for this experience the whole trip was worthwhile.
The next day, Saturday, we left for the island Lembongan. Once again we stayed in a beautiful hotel. However, just for one night the transfer time (4 hours) is quite long.
Susana and I managed to rent a scooter in order to see the sunrise the next day and it was a fantastic experience.
All too soon we had to leave the island and head to the airport.
I’m grateful for Susana organizing such an amazing trip. I couldn’t have pulled that off. I’m also grateful for the experiences I had (good and bad). It shows me where I am and that still a lot of work is to be done. If I want to live a truly happy life I will have to find a solution how to deal with my fears.
And of course, my dream of a longer trip is still alive!
Love,
Matthias