42

According to “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” 42 is the “Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything”. Wow, sounds great! Let me tell you, it is not 😀

Or maybe it’s like in the book that I don’t know the right question(s) and need to find it. Unfortunately, like in the story, always when you think you are close your whole world gets destroyed.

 

The strong convictions I had in my 20s are not true for me anymore, the beliefs of my 30s are gone, hell, the things I thought for sure 1 year ago evaporate. Maybe the only thing I know with 42 is that I know nothing.

 

Maybe love is the answer to all the questions. It’s the only “why?”…or is it not? But it needs self-love. It’s the fundament of everything. Not in the egoistic way that I’m entitled to get everything from others but that I deserve all I want/need…all the goodness (especially to be loved).

In moments I don’t love myself I cannot feel love for somebody else. No matter how great the situation is, how wonderful the other person is, it seems like a fog is covering this love. Then, the fog lifts, the sun comes through and I feel love for everybody and obviously strongest for the person close to my heart. I have not found the secret what makes that fog lift.

But how could one develop self-love? Maybe by repeating a mantra every day. Like me saying to myself: I love myself.

Maybe focusing my decisions on how I would decide if I love myself.

Or maybe realizing that the longest relationship I will ever have is with myself and that I would never accept the things from somebody else, the way I treat myself sometimes.

 

And about the big questions of life and death…especially about death. Death, a fear that accompanies me constantly, a panic that arises too often than I would care for, a motivator to stay in the present and squeeze the most out of my life.

Best case scenario:

We are souls that are here on earth to learn and experience. Every problem/challenge is an opportunity to learn and grow.

Out of that awareness you know that you are connected to every one and wouldn’t want to do things that hurt another. You are aware that life is precious and you don’t need to cover your insecurity/fears by gathering money, status, things, people…

 

Worst case scenario:

This is all there is. Death will take everything away and there is nothing left of you. So grab everything you can without considering the next (generation or person).

 

Clearly, this is how humanity lives. Between those two (or more) extremes and rather around the worst case scenario. Look at the stuff we buy, the status we think we need, missing the sustainability in our life style, without considering the next generation. And worse if you have kids.

 

But before I mumble away, I rather close here. I want to thank my friends (YOU! :-D) that support me in so many different ways. This is the greatest gift I could have on my birthday (and any other day of my life). Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

 

Love, Matthias

 

PS: Maybe one thing is for certain:  C h a n g e